TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
This wouldn't happen so much if fat girls would just stop being so damn easy.
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
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