her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
was this before of after we tobbganned into that tree?
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
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