I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
you will always have a special place in my vag
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
I'm in the middle no shirt white shorts humping the white dustbuster next to the guy shooting off the tazer infront of the two guys humping on the bicycle
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
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