Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
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