You found a girl to hook up with at a gay bar?
No. His name was Paco. I didn't get it by choice. I never had a hickey before.
Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
Randomize