I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
Randomize
