I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
HIS NAME IN MY PHONE IS JOSHUA DREAMCHASER I CAN NOT
NO SHAME NOVEMBER
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
Randomize
