$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
I just need someone to hold me and tell me i dont turn boys gay
I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
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