She is in my trunk
Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
i mean hes a break dancing puerto rican, how do you think the sex was?
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
Randomize
