he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
She should get an extra 30 days for that Georgia Rule movie......terrible.
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
Randomize
