**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
I think I sprained my soul last night
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
Is her dick bigger than yours?
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
Drunk is not a location!
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
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