do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
you're hired as official boob wrangler
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
Randomize
