I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
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