READY
for what?
TO HAVE SEXXXX
i think you have the wrong number
i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
Randomize
