I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
Randomize
