I know it's VERY late and i know i may have burdened you, but on the chance that it's sat nite- are you up or willing to be? Christinas camping and i'm chillin alone.
Yeah, it wasn't as bad as I thought. I tried not to clench and things went pretty smoothly.
i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
its not facebook stalking, its market reasearch
I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
Randomize
