a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
Randomize
