Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
You shouldn't do laundry high cus pink.
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
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