at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
She. Own s my pussycat. Roxk it like. The sun hitting the horizon
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
Topenga is going to be back on TV. Finally my fantasy of her being a milf in junior high has come full circle.
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Randomize
