im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
just do it
fine only cuz shes asian
He can hate all he wants but were fucking with these crocs on
I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
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