you want to go make fun of the strippers on try out night
i got kicked out last time for laughing
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
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