Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
Omg I joined a choir last night...
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
Randomize
