hes 24 and dating a highschool junior and keeps saying how happy he is. happy about what? her ACT score??
Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
My financial advisor pointed out that 37% of my income is currently going towards "non-essential food items"
That's banker lingo for "you're an alcoholic"
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
Try not to get arrested for it, but otherwise i support you
He's CUTE. and foreign
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
I was proudly and successfully the first girl ever to get kicked out of a the bar for being too drunk last night. Loving spring break.
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
Randomize
