It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
Why is it that the asexual in our group is the one that gets laid the most often??
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
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