I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
Randomize
