I Bought a bracelet with bible characters and a charm broke. the virgin mary one. Do you think it's a sign?
NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
Randomize