I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
i have a feeling he has a nice dick. i can just sense it.
we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
good it was pretty cute, also what would bong water do to a puppy?
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
Randomize
