Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
i have a serious question for you... Why I am i not wearing any pants?
Randomize
