Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
So much Jack, so little girl.
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
Randomize
