did you get engaged???
We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
Randomize
