Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
I don't think there's a better bc pill reminder then when teen mom comes on
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
Randomize
