Well apparently he's into motor boating.
meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
i just ran butt naked down the hall and someone highfived me. i love college.
Randomize
