So how Liz Lemon is this? I bring a boy home, we get in bed, and I realize there's a lean pocket wrapper in the sheets.
I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
good it was pretty cute, also what would bong water do to a puppy?
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
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