So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
Is it bad to use cherry nyquil as substitute for grenadine? Because i just went there.
Nah, totally cool. It already has the alcohol in it.
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
Randomize
