good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
Yes, I fucked her, no she wasn't that loose, yes she caused more drama than a 14 year old girl
can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
Do you rver get that feeling like their are poprocks filling ur boday?
I'm willing to share. He can have sloppy seconds.
Come back. Shots need mouths.
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
Randomize
