It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
Randomize
