You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
Back. Waiting on Thong the shuttle bus driver. THONG
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
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