After last night I still want u
But please keep that on the DL
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
This has been your unwelcomed wake-up call, brought to you by exes united. Have a good day, to opt out please type "STOP", to continue but act as though they do not exist please enter "DON'T CARE" for random daily wake up texts by exes united please press "PSYCHO!"
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
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