textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
That's unfortunate. Distance can be a stoner's greatest enemy.
You make it sound like a battle for Middle Earth.
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
After some trial and error I found soaking my balls in maple syurip helps ease the pain.
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize