she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
Randomize
