the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
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