i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
Took an aderol, wrote a differential equation for solving volume of flow of a rectangular channel with change in depth, then masturbated for the 6th time.
Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
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