His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
He told me they were just razor bumps!
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
I hate csi yet I find myself watching a full marathon. I am also eating hotdog buns stuffed with barbecue chips and they are quite tasty
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
Randomize
