i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
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