In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
I CAN MOONWALK!
Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
Randomize
