First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
And then the night went full on bisexual.
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
Randomize
