He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
Randomize
