You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
Help. All alone. Room is. Changing colors. Dance party 2010, but without dancing.
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
Randomize
