Btw I've read that book you bought me...And I'm such a bitch now
But I don't think guys love me
I want to make a zoo with you.
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
Randomize
