this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
i think i have two assholes
out of nowhere you said let us see your boobs, then proceeded to pull my shirt down.
i gets down
Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
Apparently she hired a private investigator when he took out a restraining order on her. So the answer is no, I didn't hit it.
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
Randomize
