He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
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