I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
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