i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
I just put a picture of what I imagine Rob's dick looks like on it on my vision board. thank you Oprah!
I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
Staff meetings will be awkward since my boss and I both did the new intern
Maybe she doesn’t know you did him
Oh she definitely knows - it was a threesome
Please tell me you’re not taking life advice from porn scripts again
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