Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
If she's telling you consent laws theres probably a reason
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
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