my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
its like whenever the snow comes all the hott girls drop out of school. where are they
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
i hope this doesn't spoil anything but there are vikings and it is awesome
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
That's the 2nd med student that has had his tongue in my butthole, what gives.
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
Randomize
