Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
Randomize
