I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
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