I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
Randomize
