Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
Once again there IS no outside bathroom. Never has been, that is the balcony
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
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