I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
South Carolina's governor once cited "moral legitimacy" when he was a congressman voting for President Bill Clinton's impeachment. Karma is a bitch.
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
i ditched last period to have sex with him. i had to change into my skank clothes in the church parking lot. little kids were on the swings.
nothing about this is right.
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
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