so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
You did what with his pubic hair?
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