ok please explain why some one shaved half of my pubes?
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
Randomize
