Go study a dick amy that's outrageous
Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
Randomize
