dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
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