lol you are funny thanks bro I'll take you to a strip club
I don't wanna go to a strip club I'd rather get my boobs free or earn them from a series of good deeds
Ha! What's wrong with that? Hard work deserves compensation. I accept cash, checks, and boobies!
But, the reference to being horny and then blending a banana is troubling
I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
Randomize
