I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
Update is I am officially king of Gettysburg. Tam and I are being threaded like royakt. In bought e ruined a drink
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
Randomize