i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.
Randomize