Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
I just landed at Logan and some guy threw up in the baggage carousel. Boston never really changes
Randomize
