A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
that's the last time we turn jepordy into a drinking game.
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
My dick has a subreddit
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
Randomize
