I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
Randomize
