he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
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